Back in January, just a week shy of my 41st birthday, I thought I was having a heart attack. I called my wife, who told me to call my Doctor, who told me to go the E.R. I didn’t think it was a good idea to drive, but I also didn’t believe that I needed an ambulance, so my friend Doug Dolder came and took me to the hospital. Long story short I didn’t have a heart attack, but I had some other problems.
I’ve never been skinny by any stretch. I’ve always been broad-shouldered and “fluffy” as Comedian Gabriel Iglesias would say. 
But not long after I got married, I really put on weight. At one point I weighed close to 340 pounds. In 2012 I ended up hospitalized and found out I had Type 2 Diabetes. In the year or so afterward I dropped down to 280, mostly by walking regularly and I stopped drinking soda. Since then I fluctuated between 280-300 lbs depending on the season. As for diabetes? Well, I realize now I let my medication handle it for me, rather than myself taking control of it. And? Well, I ended up in the hospital again.
If you’ve read my old posts, you know I touched on this last year when I talked about my battle with cynicism. I’ve neglected my physical health for a long time. I make no attempts to hide that I’m a Christ follower. So I believe there is an afterlife, but I’m not remotely afraid of death. As a matter of fact, in a lot of ways I look forward to being reunited with family and above all be with God. That attitude is not wrong, but I used it as an excuse to do whatever I wanted, quite frankly. I was much like the apostle Paul in Romans 7 when he says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
The truth is I wanted to die. Not get into everything here, but between raising two teenagers, the stress of ministry, and my growing cynicism I was just done. But laying in the hospital this time around I finally was sick of living like this. So I walked out of the hospital and walked into a gym.
I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost, it’s not about that. I do know that just working out with a trainer 3 times a week and drastically altering my diet has exponentially improved my mental state. I don’t think I realized how unhealthy I was until a few weeks ago. I do know that it hasn’t made the stressors any better, but it has improved the way I handle it.
Walking through the doors of the gym is the toughest part. 
I tried a couple of years ago to do the Planet Fitness thing, but there was no accountability or community there. I did not want to go to Anytime Fitness, I thought it had to be full of lunkheads and people who would outwork me, out-sweat me, and basically make me feel inferior. I could NOT have been more wrong. The place is like Cheers, everybody knows your name, everyone is encouraging, and my trainers; Justice, Adam, and Danielle and their dietician Kaitlyn have made going to the gym something I actually kind of forward to. I feel supported like I have a team behind me.
And I don’t write this blog post as an advertisement for Anytime Fitness, my guess is that there are thousands of supportive gyms like this all across the country. It takes a lot of guts to walk through the door the first time. It took a lot of guts, for me, to me in a “class” workout environment because I was self-conscious about people looking at me or messing up. But, I knew I had to do it, and everyone is so busy doing their thing they aren’t paying any attention to you. And the more you work out with the same people, the easier it gets.
The “a-ha” moment for me was just a week in. After trying to do this for years for my wife, or my kids, or whoever, I wanted to do it for myself and because I was sick of not being who God fully called me to be. That made all the difference. At least for me.
I’m just going into my sixth week, but I feel like a different person. I’m sure I’ll lose weight and inches, but ultimately that’s just an outward sign of an inner change. In Matthew 22 Jesus is quizzed by a lawyer about what is the “Greatest Commandment.” Jesus responds, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
The trick to “loving your neighbor as you love yourself” is that you have to yourself. And I didn’t love myself. As much as I teach and lead and preach that we need to find our value in God, I must admit I did not do the best job of living that out across the board. Because as much as I do find that in some areas, in others I relied on food to provide that comfort. That was incredibly hard to admit to myself and out loud, but I am addicted to food. On January 31 on took a blue chip at Celebrate Recovery. Tonight I get my 30 day chip.
I hope and pray that I’m done bowing to the donut Gods, but I also know that I have a long road ahead of me, but I’m not walking this road alone. I’ve got a team of people who care, a family who loves me, and a God who shows me every day that I’ve got a life worth living, and He is not through with me yet.
I got surprise one of my friends this week and got to say a few words to his students and teachers at the school where he is the principal. Someone snapped this picture of me talking and I noticed something I’ve not seen in a very long time. My belt buckle. My gut has covered my belt buckle for a long time. Just seeing that? I was ready to get back at it this week. Progress, one squat at a time. We shall see where this journey will lead, the first few steps have been hard, but totally worth it.
Two Time Seminary Dropout 